It's one of those days or weeks. I don't want to predetermine the outcome of my feelings because circumstances can change on a whim.
I don't like to predict losses as even an emo like me is quite optimistic up to the very end of the race. When the race is finished I will accept my rank - hopefully first place. I am betting on a win and I might be wrong but hey, it's all about the confidence. I.Will.Win.
I might even be a loser but I suppose it's okay to lose every now and then if it makes me stronger and I win the bigger, more important things in the end. Vinh: "You won the cake design already and that's already quite something." I guess winning becomes an addiction especially if it's something you really love doing. But even Michael Jordan faced a lot of hardship, failure, ad rejection before he became world famous.
Other than being emo about a competition and getting more and more anxious, I think Monday holds better things for me. Seeing my instructor will lift my mood cause she always has something intelligent to say about anything design related. I'll also be seeing my naturopath. I can already guess what she's going to say: "You have to get more sleep and lessen your stress." Well, it's really tough when you're running a race. All you can focus on is the finish line. Sometimes I wish they'd just hurry and announce the winners and losers already. That way I can stop thinking about it.
It's not just about the competition. I admit, I don't always feel 'up to it' and being sensitive ol' me I'm never going to become numbed to feelings like I thought I could. I can only change how I react. Think God had something to do with that part of me growing up. So yes, these days I've been down... and even 25cents ice cream doesn't lift me up. I'd much rather hit the gym, sleep, and come back to it.
Things I can use right now: A vacation, some shopping, some time cleaning my room, some taking-care-of-myself so I don't dress like a teenager to church again, a few friends over a good meal, a shoulder to cry on, some real people, a reliable community, and maybe even a bellini.
Now back to that brochure assignment...
1 comment:
Awwe Danielle.. hang in there. Know that you do have a reliable community who prays for you and will be there for you. Not long before school's done yes? It's nearing the end and that's the most stressful and anxious part eh? Take care of yourself. Sometimes gyming followed by some yummie yogurt or a smoothie feels pretty good =)
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