I feel like I'm Lazarus who's been resurrected from the dead. As I pick up myself, I'm stripping off those grave clothes, the old clothes, the past. Alrighty, I'm alive!
After years of moping, resenting, self pitying, crying, being angry, complaining, questioning, came forgiving. It was a big hump to forgive myself and others in this process. I think it was a challenge to forgive because I didn't understand what I had to forgive and why I had to forgive. I wanted people to apologize for their mess ups before I could forgive. I thought forgiveness could only be done if it made sense. If there's no apology why should there be forgiveness? But if you think about it Jesus forgave us before we even came to be. Forgiveness is the cure for a relationship and the condition of my heart. Without forgiveness my spiritual life would suffer. So I let go of it whether it made sense to forgive or not because God never said it all had to make sense first before I should forgive. Sure, to this day I still would rationalize that I wasn't wrong for let's say this one part. But why would God dig that up anyway if it didn't matter to him? God's matters are bigger. While I'm focusing on that one speck and hating on that one thing that I can't rationalize, God could have used me for better things. I could have been praying for my enemy or the one I couldn't forgive. Why must I plunge myself with bitterness and dwell on something so small? Something so small can make you feel so miserable just cause you choose to dwell on it. Before you know it it has taken captive of your thoughts. How then can you live fruitfully if there's a thorn on your mind? Can we then love Jesus with all our mind? Or our heart?
There are thousands of little bad situations that really shouldn't take up my whole lifetime to forget about. I'm glad that I can be free to be used by God more effectively now that everything that's past has been put away.
2 comments:
Oh Danielle, I'm glad you've been freed from forgiveness. Everybody has a different walk and God's messages finally gets through to us at different times. I'm glad you didn't end up walking your whole life burdened by an angry and resistant heart.
Forgiving when we do not see the sense in it is an act of our trust and faith in the Lord as well.
<3<3
it's a life challenge, a spiritual challenge. if to live is to die then i guess this is it. many ppl can't die to themselves b/c they can't forgive.. it's sad.. going through it and coming out of it. well there's always bigger things in life than grudges. waste of time IMO. but yea it all takes time. like.. brewing coffee but hopefully we don't brew on bad stuff for that long LOL.
Post a Comment